you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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