i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
