she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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