just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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