It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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