they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
