What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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