just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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