Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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