the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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