HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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