just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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