i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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