Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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