i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
