oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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