is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
