I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
