Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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