Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
