She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
