Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
