He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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