I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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