Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
