If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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