How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
