ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
