A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
