it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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