I want to make a zoo with you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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