drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
