How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
