I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
