You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
