is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
