There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
