I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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