You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's shark week go big or go home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
