My balls are so social today.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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