Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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