People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
