I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
