I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
