I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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