I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
