a queef is a wish your heart makes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
