i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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