just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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