yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
