yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
