The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
