Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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