In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
time to smoke my breakfast
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
