you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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