I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery