Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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