I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.