yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow