your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
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There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"