i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
