I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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