I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your cock deserves a montage
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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