Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
