I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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