I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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