So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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