He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
