you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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