I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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